Your First Birth isn't a 'Dress Rehearsal'
I work a lot with families expecting their first babies, and an interesting thought that often comes up is ‘mmm,I quite like the idea of a home birth/no epidural/doula/hypnobirthing etc.. but I’ll probably do that for my second baby’.
And there’s usually ‘sound’ reasoning there- at least to the person feeling it. ‘I don’t know what it will feel like/ I don’t know what I will need/ surely a hospital is safer/ my body hasn’t done this before/ my partner would never go for it/ people would roll their eyes at me/ I’ll just do what the doctors say this time/ what if I didn’t get what I wanted, how embarrassing etc’.
Now, I hate to break this to you over email, but if there is EVER a time to dig deep, get informed and listen to those ‘niggling desires’- it’s before the birth of your FIRST baby! You need to understand the potential impact of not doing these things (if they are things you secretly feel you want).
We have a tendency in western society to really separate Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting. But in fact, the choices we make (tests we have/ prep we do/ lifestyle we lead) during pregnancy have a direct impact on our births. The way that our births unfold (the care we receive, the choices we make, the intervention recommended) has a direct impact on our postnatal experience- physical health of us and our babies, our mental health, our identity as parents, establishing breastfeeding, our relationship with our children, and yes- FUTURE BIRTHS TOO.
Second births do tend to be swifter and more straightforward- but not because first births are inherently 'dangerous’ or more complicated. We have excellent research to show that outcomes for babies are no different whether they are born at home or in hospital, even for first babies- but outcomes for the person giving birth are SIGNIFICANTLY safer, when birthing OUT of hospital. It sort of going against all of the assumptions we probably make- given the cultural conditioning we have around birth (ie that we all need rescuing from ourselves). But when you begin to understand the system in which birth happens (medically led, tick boxes, high intervention) and how at odds this is with what the body actually needs for birth to work (darkness, privacy, trusting relationships)- it’s actually REALLY easy to see why this is.
This email is your nudge to pause, consider what it is you REALLY want from this birth experience. this birth experience that you only get to do ONCE. And that you are going to remember FOREVER. Now is not a time for people pleasing, being polite, considering anyone else’s needs except YOURS and YOUR BABY’S. And to then go away and learn more about what that might look like, how you make it happen and how you find confidence, trust and support in that journey.
If you need a helping hand with that, we are here! Our courses talk through all your options from planned caesareans to home births, epidurals to inductions, water births to instrumental births. All in a non judgemental, balanced and positive way- to really help you work out what you need- and what feels right for you. First step would be to join us for a course online or in person. And then if you want to chat one-to-one, we can do that too!
Your first birth is NOT a dress rehearsal, so let’s make it something really special.