Being polite doesn’t have to cost you the birth experience you deserve- but it could.
Advocating for yourself in Pregnancy
Hands up if you’ve ever been to the Drs (at any stage in life) with a question you want answered, a treatment you’re hoping to try, a specific concern in mind- and left empty handed.. or having agreed to something you didn’t want to.. or with a treatment that you didn’t think was ideal?
I know I’m nodding… whether that was the pill instead of the coil.. a promise to drink more ginger tea instead of antiemetics… the 3rd trip empty handed only to have my gallbladder removed a few months later when my persistence eventually paid off..
Advocating for yourself when accessing health care (of any kind), but particularly maternity care is so important, but often easier said than done.
When considering how to ask for what you want, taking control of your choices & gathering information about birthing your baby; the world of facebook groups/ online forums might have you believing you either have to 'suck it up & do as you're told' or 'just say no!" (Often quite aggressively) to get what you want, which, if you're anything like me, might leave you feeling like you have few options.
But (good news), having a conversation about what you want, doesn't need to be confrontational. You don't need to be super confident and outspoken. And you CAN still be in charge of every decision made about your care.
How to advocate for yourself in pregnancy
Write everything down.. questions you want answered, information you want to share, points you hope to communicate, history you feel is important. It takes much less courage to read off a bit of paper than to look someone in the eye and talk 'off the cuff'- you also don't forget anything this way!
Never make a decision on the spot. The sentence 'Thanks for all this information, we will go away now/ take 2 minutes to ourselves now & let you know what we decide' works wonders both in pregnancy & labour/birth & gives you the headspace to make a choice that feels good/ chat it through if you need to.
Ask for a 2nd opinion. If something is being recommended that doesn't feel right, ask to see another midwife, dr, a consultant midwife (This is generally a great option if you're asking for something 'out of guidance') or if you can afford to, consider speaking with an independent midwife.
Take someone with you. (Not possible in many places currently), but useful for labour too! Make sure they know what you want, it's often easier to advocate for someone else than it is for yourself as you don't have quite such the same emotional response.
Get any plans written and signed off in your notes. Shift changes, different staff on a labour ward to the community team, lunch break cover- all mean you may end up having to repeat the conversation. (Sometimes that does work in your favour too- so always ask again if you didn't get the answer you liked first time!). Having it written in your notes that you 'can use the pool' or 'can use the birth centre' avoids any extra chats!
Consider a Doula. A doula is an experienced emotional support person for you in pregnancy and birth. Whilst not there to support medically, they can help you brainstorm what questions to ask, give you and your partner confidence to speak up for yourselves or help advocate on your behalf.
Remember you're never alone! Knowing that your baby is there with you can be such a huge support for women in pregnancy. Ask them in your head for a little confidence boost and they usually give it!
When it comes to giving birth, being 'polite' doesn't have to cost you the birth experience you deserve, but it could! No is not the time to bite your tongue and nod along (we've all been there!), but that doesn't mean you have to bite your Midwife/Dr's head off either.
Equip yourself with the right mindset, the right knowledge and the right tools to navigate the maternity system and have a birth where you feel heard, supported and in control! I can't emphasise enough how important that is!