First Baby water birth, (Age 41, 42 weeks pregnant)
Spontaneous Labour at 42 weeks, water birth for this first time mum
Charlotte’s Home Birth Story
Known baby girl
First Time Mum aged 41 years (only just)
EDD 2nd May arrival 16th May (her great grandmother's birthday)
42 weeks
28 hour labour.
Home birth in pool.
Conception
Aged 37 my (ex)husband walked out somewhat suddenly and I was not only shocked and sad, but spent a lot of time after that angry I'd been left childless at that age during a pandemic. How would I ever meet anyone now? And how dare this happen to me? I never wanted to be having babies in my 40s as I thought it would be harder and how do you meet someone in a pandemic etc!?
Fast forward to meeting my lovely new partner. We got going fairly quickly, maybe 18 months after meeting, and had one miscarriage in November 2022. A few months later, I was convinced after some tests from NHS (Barts London) that my time really was running out and to try a round of IVF. I'd just started acupuncture and TCM treatment with a traditional Chinese doctor as well, who did say I should give myself more time before trying the IVF but the clock was ticking... Only free for me before I hit 40.
IVF didn't work. Bart's weren't hopeful that another round would either. No more funding and no change of plan offered. I started to look at private options and got booked in for scans etc. My TCM doctor just kept saying how I would cry a river each appointment, and had to find a way to get rid of all my sadness and anger and the sense of unfairness directed at the ex husband. Yes my life with new partner was infinitely better, but the divorce and living situations through that time period had really taken its toll on my body. I was working hard with her but she could only help me so much. Luckily my friend's partner is a top psychologist and he wanted to help me.
We worked for a month on something called 'emotional processing' and worked through everything I'd been through both mentally and physically. And the disappointment I felt at even having to go through IVF aged 40 anyway. It was a lot. But we worked hard over many hours going through everything. Am sure there are other methods like tapping or somatic yoga etc but this worked for me... The next month I was pregnant!!
It was a complete surprise and I was on tenterhooks and knicker watch daily but she stuck!!! It didn't take much time to show my new partner the virtues of either home birth or a hands off approach to physiology. This was so important to me, as my ex had once said "if you think you're giving birth at home you can do that alone, I'll have nothing to do with that". I had been following Megan at Birth-ed for years and other Instagram accounts who had educated me hugely. I had to tune out a bit during early days of divorce as the sadness was too much and thought I'd never get my chance but I kept Megan on my little grid of internet info.
Pregnancy
I've had a completely positive pregnancy. Never a scare or a worry. No sickness. I had a small battle after booking about place of birth but thanks to birth-ed I found a way to contact the HOM at my hospital and explain the silliness of being a minute outside of the boundaries for the homebirth team.
Thankfully common sense prevailed and I was granted an exception for that team to book me in. And from January I saw the same midwife every fortnight. She was brilliant and funny and didn't bat an eyelid when I chose to decline gestational diabetes tests. (My BMI at booking was 29.9 and I think it's nonsense anyway. And I'm tall and I love good home cooked food as much as I love cake and chocolate.) she was also very pleased with how informed I was about physiological birth and my plans going forward.
Anyway I sailed through pregnancy, and then only had wobbles on the last two weeks as I went "overdue" which I had a feeling I would anyway because I knew when I'd conceived. But the daily check ins and noise from family who had all had a difficult time giving birth and were not at all convinced that home birth was safe or possible & starting to suggest induction etc. was tough.
I chatted with friends who'd had a home or water birth or done some prep or hypnobirthing courses to get my head back on track. I knew I could do this. And partner was very supportive. He read all my notes. Knew what I wanted. Didn't mind me showing him several times where all the stuff was and revising elements of the course.
Birth
The afternoon, just before I went in to labour we went for 41+5 monitoring expecting the same excellent results I’d received throughout pregnancy and to be out in 20 mins after declining everything and saying we'd wait. But on this day the baby's heartrate had a baseline of 160bpm. Usually she was 120-130bpm and all else was good. After a while on the monitor I complained I was uncomfortable and asked the bed to come up. Twenty mins of wriggling and hiccups later, and the heart rate went back down to where it should be. Instead of the potential problem of a baby infection or infection in me or anything else they couldn't actually put their fingers on, I was sitting in a bed, at an angle which was making baby and cord unhappy. Also listening to the hustle bustle around us on the ward, and a doctor hear some woman's medical history next door which had been very difficult and sad. As soon as I moved, things settled. Fancy that! Being in a ward not set up for physiology! Two minutes earlier they were pushing me for an induction and saying if I accepted I wouldn't be able to labour at home either.
I couldn't believe I'd got all the way to the end to have all my plans derailed. I accepted a VE as was curious at this stage in pregnancy, and I'd been having mild cramps and 'practice labour' feelings all weekend. I also accepted a small sweep whilst she was there and it wasn't that bad. We trusted our intuition and went home agreeing to return the next day, hoping labour would start spontaneously. But we didn't need to return... Labour started that evening about 1030pm.
I tried sleeping on the sofa but awoke nearly every half hour with surges. I woke partner at 4am when I thought things were ramping up and I wanted company downstairs. I also was worrying about plans for his 7 year old getting to school and not disturbing everything but it was perfectly supported by grandparents. I phoned triage at 430am as I thought things had ramped up. I was told I was out of area and no homebirth team tonight were available. I didn't get too upset as I knew it was all there in my notes and on email and she didn't sound as though she'd been briefed properly. Phoned back at 0830 and they had a team being assembled to come to us. 3 midwives including a trainee were all great. I think I thought I was further on than I was. They helped with stair walking to get things to move on, I accepted another exam and a sweep which was way less pleasant this time as 3-4cm dilated and it felt quite rough.
After a while they put me to bed with a bolster between legs to keep pelvis open. They went back to hospital whilst I slept and said someone else would come later. I'd either slowed down or called them out too early. I woke up from my nap as contractions were not possible to sleep through even with a tens. Went downstairs and lent on my ball and bawled my eyes out. Couldn't do this I said, so I thought a good sign. Partner called midwives back. One from earlier and a new one. Then someone else came and relieved the original one. This must have been late afternoon into early evening. I had some time in the pool too relieve pain and also a hot shower with their help during this time. But contractions slowed again. Possibly as the pool was so nice.
They put me back to bed in same position and said they were there for the night now. I then woke up again an hour or so later. From the evening it's a bit of a blur but I did get back in the pool. I asked for gas and air and don't think I could have done it without it to be honest. The top rung of the pool was a bit deflated so was hanging on to dining chairs nearby for support and then I think I was pushing her down for a few hours. The pain felt like a lot of pressure sometimes in my back and sometimes like I needed to poo. I remember them coaching me to go lower vocally which was mostly possible ut also quite difficult as overcoming waves of pain and being a bit out of it!
I do remember changing position instinctively on the pool a few times and being told to stay below water level... Think because her head was showing. It felt like I was very close a few times as was emotional, didn't want partner touching me or also looking at his phone. He couldn't win, bless him! He reckons about 6 pushes but over an hour. I remember feeling my waters go and the midwives appreciated the confirmation as they weren't sure in the dark. Very encouraging to get the head out and then a bit longer for the body but they were getting a little worried that I was so tired and not hearing instructions on being lower vocally to help get her down. Anyway eventually I did it. I bloody did it. Body came out in a couple of pushes. They passed her through to me and I sat back, full of adrenaline and shakes and immediately asked for an injection to get the placenta out which hadn't been on my original plan but after 28 hours I was so done.
Excellent team of midwives from Basildon hospital who were absolutely on board with my plans. They got me out, facilitated daddy having skin to skin whilst they checked me over, gave me the injection, cleaned me up and put my PJ's on. All with minimal mess My birth prep also included batch cooking, a little trolley for all things post natal, lists for how partner could help in these following early days around the house and he is being an absolute champ and fully on board with the desire to rest 5/5/5 (five days in bed, five days on /near the bed and 5 days hopefully where I'll venture downstairs to the lounge).
I thought my wishes had been derailed but they'd just been (thankfully!) redirected. Phil is already an incredible dad to his eldest and I can't wait to see him blossom in his additional role as F's daddy.
My wish for every woman is that they have an empowering and peaceful (whatever that means for them) birth and know that the education, evidence and stories are out there. I've learnt about birth, but also the preparation, the education and advocacy and how important and essential it is to think of conception, pregnancy, birth and post natal period as one huge long life event, not separate ones. Birth is not something to be frightened of. And it is isn't a life and death roulette. It's bonkers and transformative (and of course fucking hard work!) but has been happening since the dawn of time.
Thanks for all the wisdom! And support x
Want to feel the same self trust and confidence that Charlotte did?