10 Bonding Ideas for Partners Separated from their Babies

Let's talk bonding! So it seems to be the case that many hospitals are limiting visits to the postnatal ward after birth, so I wanted to share some ideas for partners bonding with babies if they are sadly separate from you both for some hours or days after birth itself. Here are 10 things you might like to consider…

Immediately after birth

The RCOG and RCM are currently recommending that one partner (who is well and without COVID-19 symptoms) should be allowed with you during your birth and in the immediate postnatal period (a few hours after the birth). Here are some things to consider for those first few hours- and some ideas helpful even if you were separated for the birth due to them having symptoms or needing to care for other children.

1) Early discharge

An option for everyone, but particularly if you are having your second or subsequent baby or don't feel like you need feeding support (the main benefit of being on a postnatal ward). Many hospitals are able to discharge you straight from the labour ward (so a few hours after birth), or certainly at 6 hours from the postnatal ward. This is definitely worth exploring and similarly replicates the length of time you would have a midwife with you if you had a home birth. If there a medical reasons you need to stay, then the rest of the ideas below will be so helpful!

Ideas whilst in hospital

2) Skin to skin

Ideally this would be with mum for the first couple of hours after birth as it supports the physiology of contracting the uterus down after birth, bonding and establishing breastfeeding. But definitely carve a little bit of space for partner to have skin to skin too before they go home, it's an amazing way for both partner and baby to both create oxytocin and begin their bonding. You can use skin to skin throughout their entire childhood! So pocket this one for once you're home too.

3) Partners to dress baby and do the first nappy!

This all takes place in the room you give birth in, so they should still be allowed in this space. Making space for their own little milestones with baby is important, so this is a great 'job' to start with!

4) Photos & videos

Take plenty of photos and videos of those first few hours together, so your partner has something to watch when they are at home.

5) Leave a T-shirt.

Get your partner to remove their T shirt or to pop a muslin in their top for a couple of hours so that it smells of them. This can be kept close to your baby and they will begin to recognise your partners scent as well as your own

6) Facetime!

Maintain that emotional support by having regular contact with your partner. They can still be involved in the first few hours or days in this way.

7) Voice

Get them to record a message, a song, a relaxation script- you can play this aloud as your feeding or cuddling your baby- they will recognise your partners voice as well as yours and it keeps them a part of those first few hours of your baby's life too.

Once back home

8) Baths

I always recommend taking your first bath with your baby. This is great bonding for either of you with your baby, but could be particularly nice if partners haven't had a chance to connect with baby yet. So one of you hops in the tub, the other undresses baby and passes them in- it's a much more comforting way for a baby to enjoy the bath (and you can continue bathing them this way for as long as you like!)

9) Baby wearing

Again great bonding for either mum or partner, a stretchy wrap sling is perfect for this- AND bonus, it means babies actually cry less and feel safer too. You can still get on with the day to day jobs whilst keeping your baby super close too- very useful if mum is taking a nap!

10) Sharing general baby care

Something would likely have done anyway, but another very useful bonding activity- changing, dressing, burping, holding, singing to, talking to, carrying your baby- all help us find our identities as parents and carve out our new role in the family. Have you got any more ideas? I'd love to hear them!

We have a NEW module in the birth-ed Online Hypnobirthing and Antenatal course called ‘How to have a positive birth during a pandemic’, which talks through all of this and more. And it’s completely FREE for anyone signed up to our online course! You can find out more here…